Dread fills me. I know that no good is going to come from opening up the letter. But I open it anyway.
It’s from my dad, in his distinctive writing, blaming me for something I did not do. I immediately call both of their homes and leave them a message.
I’m really mad … and really hurt.
My parents have no short-term memory, yet the one thing they remember about me today is that I betrayed them. They wrote it down, sent it with a dual signature and dropped it the mail. It explodes in me, more than on me today.
I know I will never be able to right this. I try to soothe myself by considering that my mom confabulated a story and has convinced my dad of it – but that still doesn’t make me feel better.
We keep hoping that our repeated letters, calls and meetings will seep in and they will eventually acknowledge and reorganize their lives. We don’t even seem close and already I’ve become a horrible daughter. They say it only gets harder. Incapacitated.
you know you are not a horrible daughter. just doing the things you need to do to keep them safe. There are caregiver support groups that helped me tremendously when I was in that stage. Please reach out to them. If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t help them.
Feel free to reach out.
Thanks Butch. I have joined a group and have built a network around me that helps me manage through this. I’ve learned that many of my friends already went through this — and I NEVER knew or undersood. I hope to be there for someone else.
Reblogged this on Mom & Dad Care and commented:
Feelings of being a horrible offspring are common at this stage. Been there. We can’t be there for them, if we are busy beating ourselves up over what we know were right choices made for the right reasons
Kay,
You are not a bad daughter – it’s the disease talking. I also encourage you to get help and realize will NEVER recognize that they are ill, no matter how many times you call or write. They need help NOW and so do you. Don’t wait.
Thank you. I know I’m doing the right things and need to not get discouraged enough to stop trying to keep them safe. Sharing and hearing back from you helps!
i go through the same thing with my brother’s care. please try to remember it isn’t you nor them, it is the illness. i have to remind myself of this so often………….i care
Thank you. My head and heart are not on the same page sometimes. It was a great learning experience … sometimes I realize I can’t seem to learn this lesson. But I’m getting better at managing through it.
my heart and head are almost never on the same page, when u care for a family member, the heart takes over
Wow, Kay. This one was a tough one to read. Can’t imagine how hard it was to deal with. Your strength amazes me. I hope if/when I have to deal with these issues, I am as strong as you are. Thank you for sharing. Thinking of you. Laurel
Thanks Laurel — I’m still very much working to improve on this daily — I’ve been given lots of practice opportunities.
I’m usually pretty good with words, but all I can think of to say right now is “Yes. This.”